How appropriate that the song my iPod's shuffle feature decides to present me with at the moment I need to talk to somebody the most, is the song that reminds me of the person I want to talk to the most. I don't know if I believe in 'signs' but if I did, I'd definitely say that this song is one.
I smell of BBQ sauce & other people's sweat, my feet hurt and I feel like I could enter a seriously committed relationship - something which normally has me running for the hills - with my bed and live happily ever after. But instead, I'm on a train heading back to The Sunshine Coast, where even the idea of sleep is ludacris thanks to 2 screaming children and a loud conductor insisting on barging in on my carriage every 2 seconds.
I have 2 dilemmas at the moment:
1) I have 2 Krispy Kreme donuts sat in front of me; I'm supposed to be saving them for somebody but after the day I've had, I think I deserve to eat them.
2) I've just had a job interview that I really wanted to do well in. I researched the company, travelled to London and wore really uncomfortable shoes for 8 hours - all for the interview.
After the first 15 minutes of the induction, I realised that the job isn't actually what I want but it is in London...and that's probably the only positive...
My head and heart are currently in serious conflict; my head is telling me to take the job because after all it'll get me out of Eastbourne.
Then I have my heart screaming at me, telling me to carry on surviving £150 a month, sending my CV to every company possible and spending my hours dreaming of an East London lifestyle because something will come along eventually that'll make all those hours of dreaming and money watching worthwhile.
Both dilemmas seem equally as pressing. If I eat the donuts, will I have failed in the eyes of the person I was supposed to be saving them for? Will they even still like me if I demolish their donuts? Are my hips going to love me afterwards? Will they taste better, or worse, tinged with guilt?
If I say yes to the job, will me heart be disappointed with me? Will my head let me down in the end? After alcohol intake, drug taking, hair dye fumes and heavy metal gigs - does my head even still like me? But then if I follow my heart, will my head be angry? Will I regret it? I mean I've put my heart in many compromising situations - it's probably had enough of me. It's probably trying to get rid of me.
For once in my life, I'd like to be told what to do. I'd like that person who I'm reminded of by my iPod playing cheesy songs to send me a text/FB message/e-mail/sign, just telling me what to do. I'd believe in signs if they told me what to do about these Krispy Kremes...
You hear songs, watch movies and read books in which the main character drops everything and runs awa to another city, bright eyed, normally in love and full of hope for the future.
But as one of my best friends frequently tells me "Vick, your life is not a book" and as much as I'd like to think that I'm that main character, I know nothing is ever as easy as it is in a song/book/movie.
(I actually ate both donuts. The person doesn't hate me. I didn't take the job but another one came up that I really wanted a week later and I've been living in London for 2 weeks now. I followed my heart and things seemed to have worked out pretty well...for now.)
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